Bright white faces, flashes of colour and low sounds. It's like we can't help it, every chance we get. Scroll, scroll, scroll. She's sleeping, outside. I envy her. Eldest on his Gameboy, Thrap-thrapping on the A and B button. We sit opposite one another, screens in hand. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Pause.. save or screenshot. Scroll, … Continue reading Lights.
It's thirty one days, since I spoke to someone else. My observation doesn't mean you're not enough, it means you're all I have. Your eyes dart to desirable cars, glazed over, disinterested. I stop speaking. I sigh. A painful, heavy sigh. The language is coming slowly, but the confidence won't follow. Cancelled plans. Ignored and … Continue reading Thirty one days.
Sex in the dark, breathing in. Sleeping at awkward angles. Cramped up arms and back. Shallow breathing brings relief. Alarm rings. Groundhog Day. Baggy clothes to hide in. Tied up hair and shades. Peeing with the door open, shush-shushing to wipe. Nap time and coffee. Social media blues. Work trip inadequacies. Jealousy. Anger. Regret. … Continue reading Tired.
Rolling out of bed, baby in my arms, it's 10am. We didn't sleep, he knew that, and he left us in bed. The floor is swept, the bin is empty. I smile, those small things tell silently that he loves me. I put on my dressing gown. I know we will mostly be alone today, … Continue reading Wednesday.
I get out of the car and they're on me in seconds, beady and blue. They scan up and down, back up again. Wide, eager, nervous. Blinking rapidly now. Confusion seems to follow. Still fat, and yet, at ease? I feel them find the regrowth of my hair, the tufts of natural mousey hair sprouting … Continue reading Eyes.
Dear Scale, We've spent so long together, I don't know where to begin. I want to tell you that although I won't miss you, that I truly loved you, for so long. I'd quietly noticed the way that my mother had spent her time on you over the years. I was confused as to how … Continue reading Toxicity.
It was a regular Friday. The oldest of my children was in school, the youngest asleep and my husband was at work. I cherished the quiet of the house as the kettle rattled, preparing the water for my morning coffee. I plopped down onto the chair at the kitchen table and opened Facebook. 'On this … Continue reading Hello, you.
So, I'm an 'expat'. I'm a British expat at that, and living in a sea full of 'immigrants' who are also fresh to Scandinavia, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with my newly acquired label. To tell you the truth, it feels a very sodding white way of being addressed, but that is a whole other rant … Continue reading The pros and cons of Expatting in Sweden.
My body, my poor body.
Heavy heart, heavy boots.