Lights.

Bright white faces, flashes of colour and low sounds. 

It’s like we can’t help it, every chance we get. 

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

She’s sleeping, outside. 

I envy her. 

Eldest on his Gameboy, 

Thrap-thrapping on the A and B button. 

We sit opposite one another, screens in hand. 

Scroll, scroll, scroll. 

Pause.. save or screenshot.

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

My chest feels so heavy. 

Alone all day, but only now I feel alone.

Phone flashes words at me, I don’t have the energy to reply. 

I decided yesterday to stop giving out my emotional energy and care for free.. 

I’m doing this alone. 

I sigh and press the phone lock button.

I can hear the woman over the way, hammering wood panels.

I wonder, is her mind steady?

Does she rest easy? 

Oldest now in bed,

Netflix on TV. 

I try to think of something, anything to say.. 

The TV booms over me, it’s an effort to speak;

I leave it mid-sentence,  

“It doesn’t matter, it’s dumb anyway”. 

I shrink back into myself and hug my knees.

Praying for the clock to move faster, so I can close my eyes.. 

Dream myself away.

Rinse and repeat. 

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