I'm outside. And it is cold. And it is wet, but it is the only place I can breathe. I am dressed inappropriately for the weather, and my hands feel heavy and strange. Nervous, I am scanning the dark, looking for somewhere to go. I am shifting my eyes across the people around me. I … Continue reading Christmas.
And other than myself, I know who mine is, and I'd even spare her. I wish this on no-one. Not the wrenching, the needing, the yearning or the pain. You'll argue I have my husband, I have my daughter, and for that I am thankful. But I didn't want gifts, I didn't even care … Continue reading Not on my worst enemy.
I miss the way I had to angle my body to get up the drive, dragging the wheels-bin behind me. The one with the slit in the side, that I knew needed replacing, but hadn't got around to. I miss the way I would pile up washing on top of the dryer, in the kitchen, … Continue reading Missing.
At first it was just little nudges, here and there.. Asking me 'What about the house?' 'What about the money?'.. 'Did you tell D yet?', as I put up the Christmas tree. I ignored her, she wasn't welcome, this wasn't the right time.. No, she could surely leave me alone to enjoy this moment. She … Continue reading Hello Darkness, my old friend..
I guess it had been a long time coming, long before the final break. I sat before going in to see the therapist and I wondered, when did this really start? Yes, she was absolutely horrid. She was a bully, a narcissist and in my personal opinion, a bigoted sociopath..But she was the major catalyst to what … Continue reading Siobhan.
Hyper. You're hyper. You're smelling, feeling, tasting everything like it's your first time. For a moment, after what feels like a decade, you're seeing things more clearly. The paranoia shifts, you suddenly realise you had things wrong. You had people, wrong. In the depressive, anxious haze.. You had been too quick to judge. You know … Continue reading Relief
Your heart is aching, and so, mine is too. I feel the pain you are experiencing, I share it with you. Intertwined and as one from birth.. You are with me, we share this earth. Both tired, exhausted by the every day grind, We try to survive, make peace with our minds. Is there anyone, really, … Continue reading Brother.
I stare at you across the table. When did I stop being excited by how much you're growing? When did your milestones become more expected than exciting? Why is parenting so hard? You have been through so much, this year. I see it on you, and I feel the pain with you. It is a … Continue reading Son.
The only ones awake at 3am, are the loved.. And the lonely. Love. The bursts of excitement and intrigue that being newly in love brings are incomparable to anything else that I have ever experienced. The enthralment, the jittery thrill of waiting for a reply, of arranging when to next meet. The sighs of contentment, … Continue reading Small Hours.
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